I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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