well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize