You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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