It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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