woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
