it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker