my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly