Texts From Last Night

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  (386): View more from Florida

  I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.

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  (386): I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to. http://tfl.nu/dqrr
  Replies (44) Good night (1940) Bad night (5630)
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  (925): View more from California

  We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?

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  (925): We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation? http://tfl.nu/efhg
  Replies (37) Good night (2879) Bad night (2660)
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  (310): View more from California

  I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.

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  (310): I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet. http://tfl.nu/z51s
  Replies (15) Good night (7856) Bad night (933)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.

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  (207): I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow. http://tfl.nu/e26q
  Replies (11) Good night (4264) Bad night (1062)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.

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  (425): If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower. http://tfl.nu/0936
  Replies (11) Good night (3526) Bad night (1621)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar

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  (605): you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar http://tfl.nu/3k40
  Replies (17) Good night (1517) Bad night (2721)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.

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  (484): he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended. http://tfl.nu/6aj3
  Replies (2) Good night (718) Bad night (1269)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.

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  (218): You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears. http://tfl.nu/cuw5
  Replies (24) Good night (4255) Bad night (795)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.

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  (517): my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win. http://tfl.nu/1toi
  Replies (7) Good night (1654) Bad night (613)
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  (818): View more from California

  Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.

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  (818): Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors. http://tfl.nu/xlbe
  Replies (4) Good night (1067) Bad night (416)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.

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  (615): You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother. http://tfl.nu/zr7r
  Replies (4) Good night (419) Bad night (869)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?

  (1-304): View more from West Virginia

  Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.

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  (304): I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay? (1-304): Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime. http://tfl.nu/2vyh
  Replies (6) Good night (1555) Bad night (408)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday

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  (603): See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday http://tfl.nu/izo0
  Replies (3) Good night (354) Bad night (326)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.

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  (860): Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie. http://tfl.nu/hffy
  Replies (7) Good night (250) Bad night (361)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.

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  (318): Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27. http://tfl.nu/0qjv
  Replies (2) Good night (478) Bad night (264)

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