Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...