Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.

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  (816): I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches. http://tfl.nu/de5z
  Replies (16) Good night (717) Bad night (3897)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'

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  (219): she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs' http://tfl.nu/aa98
  Replies (38) Good night (1416) Bad night (17458)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?

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  (720): My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this? http://tfl.nu/za6z
  Replies (18) Good night (6114) Bad night (1098)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.

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  (973): Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again. http://tfl.nu/gz8q
  Replies (22) Good night (1438) Bad night (6273)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.

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  (952): I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler. http://tfl.nu/21hn
  Replies (9) Good night (1919) Bad night (1141)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience

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  (801): I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience http://tfl.nu/nrax
  Replies (8) Good night (2640) Bad night (957)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.

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  (701): I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with. http://tfl.nu/j9h4
  Replies (4) Good night (1752) Bad night (849)
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  (209): View more from California

  Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.

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  (209): Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt. http://tfl.nu/nrp4
  Replies (3) Good night (1483) Bad night (930)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car

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  (586): somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car http://tfl.nu/ci3e
  Replies (6) Good night (944) Bad night (2173)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.

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  (845): Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me. http://tfl.nu/ykh5
  Replies (8) Good night (542) Bad night (1702)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  I think we should measure in "bathtubs"

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  (248): I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery. (1-248): I think we should measure in "bathtubs" http://tfl.nu/kzc7
  Replies (3) Good night (1424) Bad night (490)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck

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  (817): This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck http://tfl.nu/mv3p
  Replies (3) Good night (617) Bad night (419)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.

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  (+44): Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off. http://tfl.nu/1dmr
  Replies (1) Good night (664) Bad night (256)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?

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  (306): just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays? http://tfl.nu/3o82
  Replies (2) Good night (999) Bad night (319)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.

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  (501): You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns. http://tfl.nu/4e6u
  Replies (1) Good night (527) Bad night (291)

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