dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
i only shaved half my leg
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.