R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
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There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
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I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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