He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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