ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
