what day is it and did you see me today?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize