im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.