Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
