I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
