It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
