Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
