anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
