is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
