So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
