please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
