I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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