I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
