Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
it was like having sex with a tree stump
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long