I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
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I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize