Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
