I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.