was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.