Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
