you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have aggressive nipples.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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