just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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