I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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