I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
operation harelip BJ is a go
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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