It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
