its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
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I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
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She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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