I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
