my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
