If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
