I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
