will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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