omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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