I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize