He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
