I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I think i got beer on your cat.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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