We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
