Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
