Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
