wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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