Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i dont even know how to be here
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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