and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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