The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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