I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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