You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
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