were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
