I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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