Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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