She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
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omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
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It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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