she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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