I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.