i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I believe in your delicious