Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.