My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.