Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?