twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
