Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?