i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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