Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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