Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
