and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
