So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
