I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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